Saturday, December 18, 2010

Ivan's Rescue

Event: 18 December 2010; Updated: 21 July 2011

On the night of December 17-18, 2010, I had a series of dreams, which followed my struggle to respond to LADDOF director Joseph Dillard's question about how I'd imagine a reverse divorce of the split between science and religion in Los Alamos.

I didn't get to bed before 3 a.m., but awoke at 0500 from the first dream where
 I'm alone driving a car in a tight cul-de-sac with other cars parked in it, so that it becomes so tight that I can't make the squeeze and the car's front rises up and is about to fall on one or more of those obstructing parked cars. I don't know what is going to happen next and begin weeping as I come awake.
                        CREEI score: +?+++-//--?/++?  (Anticipatory, traumatic)

An hour later I awake to the sound of a dream telephone--"a wakeup call"! 

                        CREEI score: +----?//++?/++?  (Anticipatory)

A half hour later
 I become aware that Ivan has come to give me support. He holds me around my waist as we go walking briskly up and down narrow passages. He then mentions a dream of mine from years ago. It is unclear which one it is, but if other family members had this dream then it is all the more important. 
The scene changes and I am alone, but aware that Ivan is now inside a nearby house with other young people enjoying their fellowship. Although now safe and out of trouble, I feel vulnerable and unsure of myself.
                        CREEI score: +?+?++//++?/+++  (Motivational)

Fifteen minutes after that I awoke from a dream
of a young woman who has been sent to comfort me. I do not know her name.
                        CREEI score: +?+-+?//+++/+++  (Anticipatory)


1 comment:

  1. I emailed the dream series to Joseph Dillard a day or so later. He replied at once:

    "Dear Eugene,

    "Nothing much comes up for me, but what does is purely projective and says more about me than about you.

    First, I feel from the car dream that you may be holding this LADDOF project too tightly. You may be putting too much pressure on yourself to do more and be more than "works." Sometimes such pressures constipate the process. I would suggest laughing at the absurdity of the situation, of the absurdity of rational scientists letting themselves get pushed around by their fears, the absurdity of being the birthplace of nuclear holocaust, of the absurdity of thinking that science and religion ever got divorced in the first place, of worrying about not being relevant or significant. Don't worry about that - you aren't! None of us are! And of course in other ways, we are - just not in the ways we want to be or think that we should be...

    I agree with your concept about Ivan. I think this shows you've done a lot of reintegration of him into who and what you are today.